ZetDei
by Zikia
Summary: Yes I know, I know. Very lame title. Oh, well I can't think of anything else. This is about Deidara having a crush on Zetsu, since Sasori is gone. It includes randomness, and other Akatsuki members. And a bit of Yaoi.
1. Cookies and Strip Poker

This is my first Naruto story so don't kill me...Please....DX

Notes about the story:

Zetsu's White Side.

**Zetsu's Black Side.**

_Zetsu's White Side thinking._

_**Zetsu's Black Side thinking.**_

Tobi is just Tobi, Deidara is alive and has both arms and also acts very girly, Sasori is dead, and Zetsu can withdraw his Fly-trap thing to his shoulders.

Warnings: Language, Sexual themes.... I guess, and a failed attempt at humor.

Anyway...On with the chapter....!

* * *

Zetsu was bored. Yawning, he flipped through random channels on the TV in the living room. He looked up at the clock and then back at the TV.

_It's getting late you know.._

_**Who gives a shit..?**_

_Well-_

The start of his mental argument was interrupted by a blond suddenly sitting at the end of the couch that the cannibal was laying on. "Hi Zetsu un." Deidara says cheerfully and with a light blush.

"Hi Deidara."

"**What do you want?"**

Deidara knows that the black side of him is rude and normally doesn't mean what it says. "Nothing really, just bored..." Zetsu shifts himself into a sitting position and yawns again. "I am too..What are the others doing?" The bomber paused and then remembered. "Tobi is in his room watching TV I think, Pein is in his office with Konan, Kisame and Itachi are in there room doing who knows what, Hidan is praying/sacrificing/I don't know, to Jashin, and Kakuzu is counting his money un." He replied. Zetsu nodded, sounded like the usual.

"So....What's up, un?" Deidara asked, trying to be casual. Zetsu, unsure what to say, blinked a few times. No one had really talked this long with him. "Er...I'm hungry...?" His lighter side managed to say after a few moments. Then his darker side face-palmed. "Um...How 'bout we make you something to eat. That's not humans, yeah." The blond said after and pulled them both into the kitchen.

They looked through the refrigerator and the cupboards, and couldn't pick anything that they both could eat. "We gotta convince Kakuzu to buy more food, other then the cheap knockoff brand cereal un.." Deidara said and then brightened.

"What about this un?" He suggested and held up a cookie recipe.

_**Talk about a girly bitch. **_Zetsu's Black Side thought with a mental groan and a snicker out-loud.

_He's just gay...Like us. _The other stuck up for Deidara.

_**But, we don't bake cookies, skip around, and watch 'Desperate Housewives'.**_

_You do have a point but, I have never seen him skip._

_**Whatever. Cookies are delicious and a good substitute for flesh.**_

"Zetsu un? Are cookies alright?" The other ninja asked. "Yeah sure, we love cookies. **So shut up and start making them."** They said. Deidara looked up at them. "You guys wanna help, yeah?"

"Sure." Zetsu answered, but then said: **"Hell no."** Deidara still thought it was weird for one guy to fight with himself, but Deidara still liked him. _Hm...When should I tell Zetsu that I have a GIANT crush on him un..?_ The blond thought to himself and was just about to say something when another person cut him off.

"Deidara-senpai and Zetsu-kun making cookies? Tobi wants to help!" The overly hyper kid said and danced around. Deidara growls. "Shouldn't you be in bed Tobi? It's like 9:00 P.M. un." Tobi freezes and runs back to his room yelling, "Tobi is a good boy! Tobi is in bed on time!" The bi-colored man chuckled from behind Deidara. "Anyway un...Let's make these cookies, yeah." Deidara said with a wink, smirk, and another blush. Zetsu flushed a little as well, it was only seen on the light side though.

_God he's cute like that......_The light side thinks and sighs out-loud.

_**I guess.**_ The Black half agrees a bit.

_Hey, you like him too. _White Zetsu adds.

"Something the matter un?" Deidara asks, his one eye showing, full of concern. "We are fine. **Now let's make the goddamned cookies already."** Deidara turns around and gets all the things they need. _Let's see...Four, sugar, eggs, milk, butter, chocolate-chips, and my 'special ingredients'. I better not mess up or I will look like an idiot un...._ The blond thinks frantically.

Deidara put all the ingredients in the mixing bowl that he found, and Zetsu started mixing them together with a giant spoon. Deidara sighs and looks back up at Zetsu. _He looks a lot better without that Venous Fly-trap on his head. I'm glad now he has it hidden in his shoulders around the base now un. But, either way he's hot.._ The blond thinks and his face starts to heat up a bit more. _He looked even better when I spied on him in his shower..._ Deidara thinks and turns a very dark red.

"Um something wrong Deidara? **Why the hell are you all red? **Are you sick?" Zetsu interrupts before the love-struck ninja could think of any worse perverted thoughts.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm not sick." Deidara says, looking up at the oh-so-interesting ceiling. "Okay then." The taller man says and puts the cookie dough in the stove after putting it in a pan and turning the timer on for 45 minutes. "Now what?** I'm bored.**" Zetsu asks and states. Deidara shrugged and led them back out to the living room, which Hidan was now in as well. "'Sup fuckers." He greets them. **"Nothin' much fucka. We just made fucking chocolate-chip cookies with that bitch." **Dark Zetsu says back and points at Deidara. The Dark half of Zetsu also has a swearing problem, most of the time. "Nice. I want a fucking cookie when they are done, mother-fucker." Hidan says after.

Deidara sits down on the couch that was unoccupied. Zetsu sits beside him, and they both blush a bit. Hidan rolls his eyes. "Fuck! Get a Fucking room!" He says with a grin, then starts walking back to his own room. Deidara turns about four shades darker red. "Go back to doing your boyfriend!" The blond yells as a lame comeback. Hidan pauses and then yells back, "I will!!" Then Kakuzu walks into the living room from another hallway. Hidan, runs, grabs Kakuzu's arm, and drags him into Hidan's room. A click is heard from the door. "What the hell?!" The money-obsessed-ninja shouts. "Oh.." He says after a pause.

**"Well then, lets hope they don't fuck to hard, shall we? I'd rather not hear all the noise again." **Zetsu mumbles. "Just shows they love each other." White Zetsu counters. "**Or they both just want some rough sex."** Deidara sighs, yet again. _I think I'll just tell him later tonight. It's..._ Deidara thinks and looks at the clock. _10:00 P.M._ _I'll tell him, or show him, tomorrow then I guess..._ Deidara finishes his thoughts.

A ding is heard from the kitchen. "Cookies are done, un~!" Deidara says in a faked sing-song tone, and runs into the kitchen. Zetsu sweat drops and follows him. The blond gets them from the oven, puts them on a plate, and brings the plate to the living room. With Zetsu following him. The man-eater looks around for Hidan, but then hears some thumping noises. Along with "Harder.. Hidan! F-faster..!"

**"I see that Kakuzu is the uke tonight." **Zetsu says with, what sounded like a creepy giggle from his dark side. Deidara tries a cookie and then ate five more before saying "Zetsu~! Try these~!" Both sides of Zetsu blush and they eat a few. "We better save some for the others or they will get mad.." Deidara says and puts the cookies up. Zetsu yawns and then starts walking toward his room. "Tired...Night Deidara. **See ya blonde." **Zetsu says and slams his door shut.

Deidara sighs. "It's not fair that Tobi gets to share a room with _my_ Zetsu.." He mumbles out loud. With that, Deidara stomped to his room, that he didn't share with anyone else, and crawled into his soft bed.

"Lunch Time!!!" Konan yelled from the kitchen. All the Akatsuki members rushed into the room and sat down at a giant table. Deidara yawned. He had just woken up, even though it was noon already. Everyone ate their lunch, which was some sort of sushi.

"Fuck! This shit tastes awful! Konan you fucktard!" Hidan yelled and spat out his food.

Konan's eye twitched and she inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. "Then don't eat.." She said back, her voice strained.

"This is good! Tobi is a good boy!" The masked ninja said.

The rest of the members just muttered something that sounded like: "Whatever, it's food.."

The rest of the day went on uneventful. Deidara and Zetsu watching TV, Tobi watching TV in his room, Hidan and Kakuzu fucking again and this time Hidan was the uke, and the rest were not seen or heard until it was later that night. Pein came in the living room and started playing Strip-Poker. Everyone joined in, well, all but Tobi. Konan didn't want to play since she said "I'm not undressing in front of men! Perverts!" She clearly, didn't get that all the men in the room, besides Pein, are gay. So Konan didn't play either.

So far, Pein, Deidara, and Kisame didn't have pants on. The rest were shirt-less. Deidara had a tissue under his nose, blood running from it. _Damn it! I didn't know Zetsu was so hot.._ The blond thought and grabbed another tissue. A few minutes later, Kisame, Itachi, and Hidan were completely naked. "Hell yeah! Mine's bigger then yours!" Hidan shouted and pointed at Itachi. The Uchiha turned red and crossed his knees, trying to hid himself. Everyone laughed and the game continued. Soon, Pein and Kakuzu joined the naked party, leaving Deidara and Zetsu the only ones not nude. Deidara flashed Zetsu an evil grin and put his cards down. "Royal Flush. Off with the pants and boxers, un!" Deidara said. Zetsu blushed and took them off. Deidara ran into his room after seeing his crush naked. "My...God...Un" Deidara said with wide eyes after he locked himself in his room.

Zetsu blushed more when Deidara ran out of the room. Pein picked up all the cards and his clothes, and went into his and Konans room. Everyone else picked up their clothes and left.

_We were the only ones to put out clothes back on you know.._ Zetsu thought.

_**Yep, it's going to be noisy tonight..**_

Zetsu just noticed that all the Akatsuki members do is lock themselves in their rooms all day. What they do in their, was a mystery.

_Let's go see Deidara._

_**Okay...Hopefully he still is pants-less.**_

_Pervert._

_**Yes, yes we are.**_

Zetsu walked down the hallway and stopped at Deidara's door. He knocked a few times lightly with his white arm, but then his black arm knocked a lot louder. Deidara opened the door slowly and blushed. "Er, hi Zetsu un."_ Aw shit I forgot to put my pants back on..And I have a boner. Great_. The blond thought and tried to cover himself up. "Um...Come in.." He said and they sat on Deidara's bed.

"Hi there Deidara. Why'd you run off..? **Impressed by something?"** His dark side finished. Deidara turned about as red as he could get. "Y-yes. I m-mean no! Er.." The shorter ninja stuttered. _Now would be the time._ The blond thought. "Well...I-I really...L-like you Zetsu...Un.." He said with his head bowed down.


	2. Not the TV! Truth or Dare?

**Zetsu's Black side.**

White Side.

_**Black Side thinking.**_

_White Side thinking._

Warnings: Language, 'Sexual themes', fluff, failed attempt at humor, a bit of yoai, and Pein being an asshole.

* * *

Zetsu's eyes widened. "Y-you like me..?" He stuttered out. "Yeah...Un..I have for a while but I never told you...." The blond said with a sad smile. "Wont blame you if you reject me or whatever un.." He continues. Zetsu just stood there for another second. Then, Deidara grabbed Zetsu's head with both hands and pushed their lips together. When the man-eater didn't do anything, Deidara broke the kiss and blushed very hard.

"Er..I'm sorry..I just--" He started but, Zetsu cut him off with a sudden kiss. Deidara was shocked. _He...Is kissing me..?_ He thought with a mental squeal. The bomber blushed and kissed back. Zetsu broke the kiss a few seconds after due to lack of air. "Sorry Deidara but....**That was...**Nice.." Zetsu said with a deep blush, noticeable on both halves. Deidara flushed. "Yes, yes it was un." The blond said back. "So...Are we together now un? As in dating, boyfriends, and all that stuff, yeah? Since we both like each other and stuff un." Zetsu smiled a little on his white side, and had a giant grin on the other side, it looked kinda funny.

"Of course! **Only if you fuck on the first date..!"** Zetsu said, and then his white side blushed. "We mean...Er...." Deidara giggled and kissed him again. _Geez Deidara isn't very shy about this.._ Zetsu thought. A knock was then heard at the door. "Will Deidara-senpai play with Tobi? Tobi is a good boy!" An annoying voice was heard. Deidara growled. He normally did when Tobi was around. _I hate that kid! He is like trying to take my Zetsu!_ The blond thought and opened the door. "No! I'm busy! Leave me alone un!" He shouted through the door. The masked ninja ran away saying "Okay, okay! Tobi will leave..!" and he started to cry.

"You didn't have to be so mean to Tobi.." Zetsu said. **"But the brat deserves it."** The black side finishes. Deidara shrugs and mumbles. "But your mine...Not his.."

"**Did you just say that we are yours?" **Zetsu says."I didn't know we were owned by anyone.." He finishes with a chuckle from both sides.

Deidara blushes and glomps the other ninja. "Mine." Deidara says while clinging to Zetsu's arm.

Zetsu's face lights up and he shifts the shorter ninja so that they are hugging, Zetsu doesn't like to be glomped.

Then before anything else could happen, Kakuzu opened the door with his key and yelled: "Lights out! Keeping the lights on cost money! And--" He trailed off when he saw Zetsu and Deidara hugging on the blonds bed. "Well well well! I didn't realize that you two were butt-buddies!" He said with an evil grin. "Lemme tape you guys doing stuff! Yoai sells great on Ebay!" Zetsu growls, gets off the bed, and pushes the stitched man out of the room. "We haven't even done anything yet! **Go crawling back to your uke, bitch!" **He spat out and shut the door again.

"I see you and Kakuzu don't get along well, un." Zetsu's new lover stated. The green-haired man growled louder. "He sold our plant and flower collection... **Stupid dumbass..."** Zetsu whined and slumped his shoulders."Ah, I see un." Deidara said with a grin. _I never heard Zetsu whiny! Hee~hee it sounds cute. _He thought. Zetsu sat back down on the bed and wrapped his arms around the blond from behind, snuggling his head in the crook of Deiadara's neck.

_Who knew Zetsu could be all cuddly and stuff!_ Deidara thought with a smile. Zetsu sighed, which made Deidara ask what was the matter. "Mm...Nothing..." He replied with a blush, as he realized he was becoming clingy. Then without warning, Zetsu's black hand pushed himself off the blond and turned him so he was facing the plant-man.

_What are you doing? _Zetsu's light side asked mentally.

_**Having some fun. **_Was the answer.

Zetsu then unbuttoned Deidara's pants, while rubbing the spot with his other hand.

Deidara moaned quietly as Zetsu took the blonds pants and boxers off with one swipe. Zetsu's dark side licked his lips, and started to pump the already aroused member. This caused Deidara to moan louder.

Zetsu started to go a bit faster, and after getting more noises from his lover, he licked his dick a few times and put Deidara's hardened shaft into his mouth.

"Nng...Ah! Z-Zetsu..!" He whimpered.

Zetsu started to suck on him now, pretty rough, but careful enough so his teeth wouldn't cut him

"Mm..Z-Zetsu..!" Deidara yelped and started to buck his hips a bit. Not having this done before, not even with Sasori before he died, he moaned louder and said "Zetsu...I-I'mma...C-Cum!" and then came into Zetsu's waiting mouth.

Gulping down the seed, he hugged Deidara and smiled. Deidara, still panting, sighed happily.

"Er...Thanks Zetsu.." He said awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head. He then got out of Zetsu's death grip and picked up his boxers and pants, that his lover tossed to the side, and put them back on.

"**You didn't last very long, we didn't even get to deepthroat you." **Zetsu said with a pout.

"Whatever, Deidara tastes good.." His other side purred and wrapped his hands lazily over the blonds shoulders. Suddenly feeling _very_ awkward,

he took his arms off Deidara, and stood up headed toward the door. "We...Gotta go Deidara. See you around I guess..." He mumbled but, Deidara heard. "Okay...Night un." The other boy purred as he left.

Zetsu crept into his room, that he shared with Tobi. The masked ninja was currently sleeping, so it was a bit easier to creep into his own bed. When he was in his bed, Zetsu sighed and pulled up the covers.

_What is wrong with us...?! I mean what the french-toast?!_

_**Well, I found it fun. What you too much of a chicken to actually swear?!**_

_Oh well, maybe I don't want to swear. And you only liked it because you had most control! I wish that never happened!_

_**I liked it so deal with it! I can't belive that he just let us do that! Who would..**_

_Deidara apparently._

_**Let's do it more often then.**_

_No! He's the only one who ever showed they cared and I don't want to ruin it._

_**It wont ruin it, it'll make it better.**_

_We are __not__ going to do that more! Unless he starts it..._

_**Gr. Hmpf, fine but we can't let this get past a crush and blowjobs.**_

_Whatever._

Zetsu then fell asleep after that. Of course, having dirty dreams just to make it worse.

Deidara sighed. _Damn he is good! Hopefully I get to pleasure him next time._ He thought before falling asleep as well.

Zetsu woke up to Tobi looking over him. "Zetsu-kun okay? Tobi heard Zetsu moaning in his sleep." The plant-man blushed. "Er...Yeah we are fine." He stuttered out while the black side said "**Damn, that was a hot dream. But, Tobi you woke us up right when we were going to--" **The white hand covered up the dark sided part of his mouth. "Nothing Tobi. We are fine." Said ninja just nodded and said "Okay! Tobi is a good boy!" before running out the door and to the living room. It was always a race to who got to watch TV in there first. Even though, Tobi had his own TV he still liked to watch Spongebob on the bigger TV.

Deidara just had woken up from a similar dream. He was sweating, and panting. He glanced at the alarm clock at his nightstand. "Hn. 9:00 A.M. I'm still tired.." He grumbled and got up and dressed. After putting up his hair the way he liked it, he came to the living room, which was a mess. Everyone was fighting over the remote to the TV. Right now, Kisame had it and held it tight against his chest in the corner.

"I wanna watch the Shark Documentary on Animal Planet!" He says and clutches it tighter.

"I want to watch Saw!" Itachi growled and reached for Kisame.

"But Spongbob is on!" Tobi said and hopped around.

"The Desperate Housewives season Finale is on!" Deidara whined and tried to get the remote.

"They are showing something about money!" Kakuzu said and tried to get his threads around the remote.

"I would enjoy the plant show that is also on. **So hand the thing over!" **Zetsu said and snarled.

"Jashin! There is fucking Saw! I fucking agree with Itachi! Hand of the fucking remote, mother-fucker!" Hidan yelled and picked up his scythe and pointed it at Kisame.

That's when Pein came in. "Everyone! Silence!" He yelled over everyone else.

They all fell silent after that. Pein stomped over to the TV and pushed the power button. "No one is using this today." He said. Then he unplugged the giant TV,took the remote, and pushed the TV in his office.

"Well now what do we do un..?" Deidara said out loud with a pout.

"I have an idea." Itachi suddenly said.

Everyone remained quiet and sweat dropped.

"Are you feeling alright?" Kisame asked slowly and put his hand on the Uchiha's forehead.

"Let's play Truth or Dare!" Itachi said with a happy smile.

"Oh no! His medication must be messed up!" Kisame said frantically.

Everyone was scared. Itachi never smiles, so this was just plain creepy.

Tobi got over it quickly and agreed to his plan. "Truth or Dare is fun to Tobi!"

Kisame agreed as well. "Um okay.." The shark-man said carefully.

"Fuck. Well why the hell not..?" Hidan answered.

"As long as I can count my money as I play." Kakuzu said, while taking his money out.

"Sure...Itachi.." Deidara said and shrugged.

"I guess....**This is pointless...**" Zetsu mumbled.

Konan was in the room, but she just walked to Pein's office when the other members looked at her.

"Okay~ Let's play! Tobi will start!" Tobi said.

"Wait. There needs to be rules. Okay...The person asking gets to pick truth or dare, not the person _being _asked." Itachi said.

"Tobi gets it! Zetsu!"

Zetsu raised an eyebrow. "Hm?"

"Why were you in Deidara's room last night? And what did you do?"

The plant-man turned a bright pink, and stuttered out "That's t-two questions! **P-pick one o-of them..!**"

"Okay! Why were you in there?"

"Because. **That's why, leave it at that."** He growled.

"Ah, Zetsu you have to properly answer the question." Itachi said with a knowing grin.

_He is really starting to scare me._

_**Ditto.**_ They thought.

"Just fucking answer!" Hidan shouted with a crazy grin.

"We....**were talking and...**Stuff." Zetsu mumbled.

Hidan raised an eyebrow. "You mean you two were fucking?" He asked with a hint of laughter in his voice. Deidara and Zetsu blushed at that. "No un! We just kissed and he did something, yeah!"

Everyone exploded in laughter. "Who....Knew Zetsu....Could get lucky..!" Kisame said between barks of laughter.

**"Shut up or I will eat you all!!"** Zetsu screamed. They all fell silent at his threat. They all knew he would eat them if they didn't be quiet. Zetsu didn't give empty threats. Said ninja sighed, and his face color turned a bright shade of pink when Hidan said "So who was the bitch?" Everyone tried to keep back giggles of laughter. Zetsu growled and Hidan shut it.

"Okay then, Zetsu you get to pick someone." Itachi said.

_**Oh! Let's pick Hidan and make him do something weird.**_

_Hm...K. But, what..?_

* * *

Wow, that was shorter then I intended it to be. And took forever to type. Ah, well.

Hope you likey~!

Emma- Thanks for the comment! I do need to improve on the changing~ Thanks


	3. Truth or Dare2 To Dinner!

Zetsu's White side talking...

**Dark side talking..**

_White side thinking.._

_**Dark side thinking..**_

Warnings: Language, 'Sexual themes', bits of fluff, failed attempt at humor, and yaoi.

* * *

**"Hidan....**We dare you to...**get drunk.."** Zetsu says. Hidan looks up at Zetsu with a face showing horror. "B-but you knew w-what happened when I-I got wasted before fuckface.." He stammered. The plant-man raised an eyebrow. **"Exactly."**

The last time Hidan got drunk at a bar, he killed twenty-six people, slept with nine.... seven were male, and woke up a few towns over, naked in a cops car. The time before that, was a bit worse, but only because he had to lice with these people. Hidan got drunk at the base, and spent Kakuzu's money then raped him before they got together, killed Zetsu's remaining plants, cut Deidara's hair, broke Kisame's sword-thing, hid Itachi's sex-toys, burnt all Konan's paper, and ripped out a few of Pein's piercings. He was a crazy drunk and they all still hated him a bit for that.

"You know you gotta do it Hidan~!" The hyper masked ninja said.

Hidan growled and stormed over to the fridge, and then removing a few beers.

"Aw c'mon Hi-chan~! Loosen up a little man!" Kakuzu purred from the circle on the floor where everyone else was sitting. He apparently didn't care if he got raped.

"**Get drunk now, or I'll chop your fucking balls off!" **Zetsu warned.

Hidan squealed and took a few more drinks. "Like you would though...motherfucker.." He mumbled.

Twenty minutes later, Hidan was very drunk.

"Hee~hee...! I feel * Hic* pretty..!" The albino said. He then crawled back to the circle and sat in his boyfriends lap with a little: "Oof."

Itachi giggles, and then says, "Your turn to pick someone Hidan." cheerfully.

"A'ight...Deidara! Wear.....This." He slurs and holds up a very short maids dress that he pulled out from underneath the couch.

Deidara turns bright red and huffed. The blond then rips it out of the drunks grip.

"Where did you find this anyway, un?" He says and takes a closer look. If he put it on, it would go around a hands-width down from his waist. Very short. It was all black with white cuffs on the sleeves, laces on the bottom, and around the neck.

"Oh...*Hic * wait fucka..." Hidan slurred and pulled out white gloves, a maids apron, fishnets, and the little matching hat.

Deidara flinched, but then took the other items gingerly.

"Wait..." Hidan mumbled and dragged a pair of white girl panties from under the couch and threw it at Deidara.

He caught it and blushed again.

The blond got up, and stomped to the bathroom down the hall to put them on.

After slamming the door shut, he looks at the clothes again.

_Damn...This will be bad...I wonder if they are going to take blackmailing pictures..! Yikes!_ He thought.

"I'd like to see them try.." He says out-loud.

Deidara growls as he striped all his clothes, and started to get the outfit on.

_The panties are a bit tight..And the dress is clingy...._He thought and pulled the fishnets up his legs then put the ridiculous hat on. He sighed and looked into the mirror.

"Dear lord!" He screeched and sighed again for the umpteenth time.

"Well let's get this over with.." He grumbled and opened the door, then went into the living room.

The second Deidara stepped foot into the living room all eyes were on him.

_**Holy shit! He's....Fucking hot! **_The ruder Zetsu thought.

_I'm afraid I have to agree with you for once..._ His nicer side thought back.

"Ha! Deidara looks weird in lady clothes!" Tobi giggled.

Hidan started laughing drunkenly and fell out of Kakuzu's lap.

"Hahahaha! Bend over for us blondie!" Kisame said.

Deidara turned red again and was about to slap the shark-man, when he noticed Zetsu having a nosebleed.

Said ninja, pulled a tissue from his pocket and blushed.

Deidara smirked and walked in front of his kind-of-secret-boyfriend, then bent down so Zetsu could get a good view of his ass.

Zetsu meeped and blushed harder.

While the greenette gawked at the bomber, he didn't notice the blood spilling on his T-shirt and the bulge in his pants.

None of the ninjas at the base really wore their cloaks anymore so it was showing through his jeans.

Everyone started laughing when they saw Zetsu.

"He's liking that isn't he..!" Itachi said and pointed at Zetsu's pants.

"Indeed he is..!" Kisame agreed with his lover.

"*Hic * Ha...Ha...Eheheheh!" Hidan drunkenly giggled again.

Zetsu twitched and his fly-trap come out of his shoulders, and closed around his head.

Deidara sighed and stood upright.

" C'mon Zetty~! Open upppppp unnnn~!" The blond said sweetly and tried to open the plant jaws.

His answer was a muffled **"Screw you.."**

"You can if you want, yeah!" Deidara joked.

Zetsu growled and made the fly-trap go into his shoulders. **"Don't call us Zetty.."** He said and barred his teeth.

"What about Zuzu? Tobi likes that name." The hyper ninja suggested childishly.

"Good idea Tobi.." Deidara purred.

"Cut the s-shit guys just...pick someone Deidaraaaaaaa." The drunk slurred and then paused. "Jashin...*Hic * I'm sooooo horny...!" He said and flung himself at the nearest ninja.

Sadly, that was Tobi since Kakuzu moved away from him.

The masked ninja started to giggle but then got a bit scared when Hidan put his hands down his pants.

"Hi-Hidan s-stop..!" Tobi begged.

Kakuzu dragged the drunk off Tobi and carried him into their shared room. Slamming the door, Kakuzu grinned and started to strip...

The members remaining in the living room waited to see if the banker and Jashinist were coming back, "FASTER.... KUZU! HARDER!" shouts made them think they weren't for a while.

Since the noises went on for around twenty more fucking minutes, the other ninjas were getting bored.

"Let's just start again." Kisame said.

"Yeah...Deidara, your turn." Itachi said.

"Hm. Oh I know--" The blond started but then was interrupted by Kisame jumping on Itachi, and soon they too faced the same fate as Hidan and Kakuzu. That's leaving Zetsu, Deidara, and Tobi in the living room. "Well, do we go on un?" Deidara asked.

"Tobi thinks Deidara should change back into boy clothes." Tobi said stupidly.

"Yeah...**Hell no! He's hawt!"** Zetsu said and blushed.

Deidara winked at the plant-man. "Don't worry Zuzu, this wont be the last time you see me in this."

Zetsu blushed harder.

Deidara went back into the bathroom and shut the door as he walked in.

"Damn, I didn't know I could be so....Slutty. Oh well, he liked it." Deidara giggled out loud.

Then he stripped the outfit off and put his normal clothes on. After sighing he untied his hair and re-did it. _What the hell is wrong with me..! I bet he hates me now for toying with him like that..._ He thought unhappily and with sudden realization _I'm so stupid...! That's what I did to Sasori danna and he almost left me...Before he died that is..._Flinging the door open, he ran into his room crying. Dashing to his bed after locking the door, Deidara flung himself on it and started to sob uncontrollably.

(Holy PMS Deidara...)

Zetsu heard Deidara run to his room and being his boyfriend, he got up and stomped to the blonds room. *Knock, knock * "Deidara...?" He called. He got a muffled "What...Un..?".

"Can I come in? **Let us in or we will break the fucking door down."**

"Whatever...Yeah..."

The bomber trudged over to the door and unlocked it, making a little 'Click' sound. Zetsu opened the door and noticed his boyfriend's shown eye was all red and puffy, from crying.

"Aw...What's the matter...?" He asked caring.

"A-alot un.." The other male said and sniffed. "I was just remembering Danna....A-and thinking a-about some other s-stuff too...Yeah.."

"It's...Okay.." Zetsu said, trying to be comforting, and took Deidara's arm then lead them to the blonds bed. Sitting him down, Zetsu put a lighter colored arm around his boyfriend's neck and started to rub his back with the other. Deidara gave a small smile and turned around to face Zetsu. Then he kissed him lightly on the lips. Zetsu, over course kissed back, and then broke the kiss a little bit after.

_**Aw, why'd you stop...?**_

_We are trying to be helpful, not turn this into a make-out session. _

_**Says you.**_

White Zetsu gave a mental snort and eye roll.

"How about we go to dinner..? It's not that late you know." Zetsu suggested.

The blond brightened at that, and nodded happily. The bi-polar ninja grinned and went back to his room to get ready. "Hm...What should we wear...? The place I intend on going to isn't fancy, but it's not frigging' McDonald's...God I sound gay...Well, like _really_ gay.." Zetsu said to himself and paced the room. Then, Tobi popped out of no where and asked where he was going.

"Where are you going Zuzu?"

"**None of your business punk...**Just...out for a bit Tobi." He answered absentmindedly.

_Oh I know what to wear..!_

_**Do tell be-och!**_

Zetsu then ran to his closet and rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. It was a simple black blazer with a white shirt to go under it. Then he pulled out a pair of dark bluejeans and black sneakers.

"**I guess. Next time we are hittin' the club though.." **He said to his other half.

"Whatever." He said back and started to strip off his T-shirt that said 'Epic Fail' and pointed to the black side, and took off his pants. Pulling the other clothes on he stepped out of the closet and looked at himself in a full-body mirror. "Not bad...**I feel queer...**" He mumbled and then Tobi looked over. "Zuzu looks cute~!" Tobi giggled. The black side flipped him the finger and walked into the hallway, waiting outside Deidara's door. Then, he came out as if on cue, and was wearing blue sweater with light brown pants.

_**My god..! He looks too fucking gay..!**_

_No he doesn't! It's kinda...Cute in it's own way.._

"You look nice un!" Deidara chirped, clearly a bit more happy then he was before.

"Thanks, you do to." Zetsu said back and lead them out of the base and into Zetsu's black Ford tuck. Zetsu loved trucks, they were perfect for hiding bodies in the back. Well, his black side thought that.

They climbed in and Zetsu started to drive to the restaurant he was treating his boyfriend to.

* * *

Meh, that was a bit short and crappy... Oh well. Hopefully this next one will be a bit better.

~Squee! Reviews!~

Nini-sama- Thanks! :3 I don't really like OCC's either.

Zetsu's rose- Sure. I love Zetsu too :3 Thanks!

Thanks guys~ Next chapter's coming up soon.


End file.
